Three Things My 20’s Reading Has Taught Me

I finished the book The Defining Decade by Meg Jay a while ago now, but there are still some things I learned that stand out to me. I learned so much from this book and truly enjoyed reading it, so of course I recommend it to any 20 something. The book is clearly aimed at those that have graduated college and are also in the midst of a quarter-life crisis. While neither of those hold true for me, (I am recently 20 and nowhere near having a crisis of what to do with my life) I still learned a lot from Dr. Jay and her many client stories.

Rule #1: Never let yourself hit the “Starbucks Phase” as Jay calls it. This is the phase when you pick up random, meaningless jobs as you continue to put off finding jobs that will help build your identity capital and contribute towards the ultimate career path you wish to follow. These are so harmful because  you aren’t just putting off your career, you are wasting valuable time when you should be learning and growing with a company.

Rule #2: This follows the “No Starbucks Phas-ing” thing, but the worst thing you can do is nothing. It doesn’t matter if you don’t know what exactly you want to do or where you want to be in life, you must do something. The more you do, the more you learn about what you do, and more importantly what you don’t, like.

I am a very calculating person. I always want to make a plan before I start. I struggle with spontaneity as well as starting anything without a concrete plan in mind. That said, the hardest thing for me to learn is that it is not always necessary to have a plan. Action is always better than inaction. Sometimes you can’t plan. Actually, usually you can’t plan what will happen in life. And it takes a strong person to know how to handle the things life throws at them appropriately. How will you learn if you are never tested? The quote that stood out to me was:

“The one thing I have learned is that you can’t think your way through life. The only way to figure out what to do is to do –something.”

Rule #3: Getting out of your bubble is so important. Let me share with you a quote I found extremely helpful for opening my eyes as to why this is true.

“Weak ties . . . force us to communicate from a place of difference, to use what is called elaborated speech. Unlike restricted speech, which presupposes similarities between the speaker and the listener, elaborated speech does not presume that the listener thinks in the same way or knows the same information. We need to be more thorough when we talk to weak ties, and this requires more organization and reflection. There are fewer tags, such as “ya know,” and sentences are less likely to trail off at the end. . . We have to make our case more fully. In this way, weak ties promote, and sometimes even force, thoughtful growth and change.”

How great is this quote? Who hasn’t had a moment when they were explaining something about what they wanted to do to someone and then all of the sudden had an “aha!” moment? This is the moment you realize a new idea, or a new reason for why you do or do not agree with what you have been saying.

These are just a sampling of the many, many things I learned while reading this book. These were my personal big things to remember, but please pick up the book and find your own! It’s so great to think about where you are at in life and how to better your time. Time is limited, don’t waste the best time of your life by being ignorant of what’s to come.

xxx